Of the many parts of Bali I’ve explored (and loved) I never thought I would end up basing myself in Canggu.
Years ago I acknowledged that the party scene wasn’t for me and that’s all I saw in this busy beachy town. The drinking, drugs, using substance and loud noise and sexual validation to distract from the gorgeousness of self evolvement - it wasn’t my jam any longer. So I lived for a while in the floaty, hyper conscious world of the deeply spiritual community, for a time. Turned out this didn’t fit me either.
Ill never forget running away to Canggu for a day with my two soul brothers. Throwing ourselves into the ocean and paddling into waves in giddy excitement, feeling like id come home again. I knew no one who lived here and I knew id be starting over once again but I was pretty darn good at that by now.
I found myself a little sanctuary outside of town where I could work and be in the quiet while still close to everything. Here, I got to work building my online business. I played around with some of the social circles of expats only to still feel like I wasn’t quite aligned with fancy gatherings, talk of investments and crypto currencies. I started missing the post surf shit talk with the boys from home, the simple life vibes that would be such a perfect balance for all the ‘not so simple’ work I was doing in my working hours.
So I sent out my request to the ether, the universe, whatever you wanna call it …. That week i wanted to end my life more than ever before.... and then, as the new year began, I was beautifully aligned with two soulmates. I spent a blissful couple of weeks dancing on waves, scooting around and taking bestie naps with my girl - who awakened a playfulness in me that I had all but forgotten…. And just as she had to leave I was aligned with the boy. But more than that, I was inducted into a community and a home. Two Homestays, side by side, that turned out to have a constantly rotating and revisiting cast of characters. And somehow in this little hub of (at the time) party madness, people from all parts of the world and all walks of life, age and character were living together and thriving.
I was drawn back into the party world here, then. And to be honest, I really needed it. I realised I had been working EVERYDAY for years on either other peoples businesses or my own. Here I saw a beautiful opportunity to exercise my newly rediscovered playfulness and just enjoy the NOW. It was a wild and fast six weeks of play. But despite some, perhaps, destructive behaviour, I started experiencing wishes being fulfilled the more I let go and enjoyed each moment for what it was. I still didn’t drink too much as I was simply thriving off this energy of community and friendship. Some of those simple moments, lying in a hammock or popping up on waves next to the boys were, to date, some of the happiest memories of my life so far.
But duty called. I needed to return to Australia and NZ to wrap up a life I had not planned to leave behind for island life. But I knew I would be back on warm shores soon enough.
Time moves people on, it always will and I knew when I got back some of the faces would be the same but it would be forever changed. What I didn’t expect however is that this little community spot could become even more aligned with everything I would love to have as a home base.
The party still exists and many of the characters are the same and yet we are evolving together. Most days I can wander in and find myself in a beautifully intellectual or creative conversation with someone old or someone new. The daily chase of the next big high has become the daily chase for good waves and good food together. I spend my mornings working and my afternoons playing music and laughing by the pool. Talking about music and books, podcasts and life. Catching sunsets with coconuts over sunrises with hangovers .... with people whom, without which, I would not have been sitting here writing this story (Im soooo fucking grateful for you all).
The whole ‘your vibe attracts your tribe’ quote seems so cheesy and yet appropriate. But its more than that. It is each persons vibe that EVOLVES a tribe. Each persons desire to find play in more than just the party. Each persons story and smile that make each day worth getting up for in the morning. Conversations that dont just spark new ideas but ignite them into roaring flames of excitement and motivation. The party will always be there to indulge and enjoy when desired but for me, to experience a collective of people banding together to create a community of beautiful balance of all these things, was something I could never have expected to come out of all this.
Im sure we will all have to come and go at times. Im sure life will move me to quieter spots eventually (Im watching you Bingin real estate) and many of the faces and energies may change but I’m so grateful to be part of the evolution of this place, with all the people past present and future who will come along.
But for now you’ll probably find me smiling softly, salty from the surf, surrounded by soulmates eating some damn fiiiinnnne Indian/Mexican fusion ;)
If you have ever been to Bali you would have left different than before. Theres no doubt about it. Even if you came here, drank waaaaay to many bintings, had a scooter accident and didn’t venture towards anything spiritual - I guarantee you were still changed by Mama Bali.
My friends and I have had this running joke for a long time now. Bali is not a place. Its an energy. Its a calling home to yourself. You CANNOT come here and not be challenged to reveal yourself in some way, shape or form.
Each journey to this sweet smelling, warm air’d island has created new awareness within me and almost violently stripped away layers of this being that ive created over the years. Bali taught me how important yoga would be in my life and that of many in the years to come. She taught me that i could be the confident salty beach babe id always wanted to be and attract some very good looking men along the way (even if they didn’t stick around long haha). She showed me how people could be kind beyond measure even if they couldn’t utter a world of the same language as you. Each time I would visit I would instantly feel at home, my body would relax. Something about the combination of filtered water, fresh food, warm skin and cheap price tags was as good as a two hour long hug to all my limiting belief systems of the past. I felt instantly healthy (even though I was always sick anywhere else) playful and calm. Even amongst the chaos off the traffic & techno. And due to work visa restrictions she also awoke an awareness and desire within me to find a way to work remotely so that I could exist here more than not.
Each time Bali has stripped me of the things that would not serve the vision I was creating. Its be soooo uncomfortable and yet, exactly what had to happen to lead me to today.
So when I finally aligned the knowledge of using nature to heal my years of chronic illness and my yoga and life experience knowledge as a tool to coach women online and work remotely…… I knew it was time.
I knew I still had layers to remove. All of us have layers of heavy traumas and beliefs that are built up over our lifetime - covering the person who first entered this world with a message. I knew I needed to remove these blockages that were not serving me in order to serve others.
I think I was, at first ,under some romanticised idea that Mama Bali would go easy on me from that point on………..
Its safe to say this past year has been the hardest …. But also the most rewarding and beautiful year of my life.
Money and worthiness. Love and heartbreak. Finding belief in myself when all else is showing me, telling me, almost convincing me I shouldn’t.
She has secluded me, had me eating rice and veggies for weeks just to get by. Had me drunk in the midst of the party. Had me held in the arms of one I would never have otherwise found or could never have dreamed up (or could I?). She has lead me to the beautiful people who surround me, who cheer me on - when sometimes all I wanted was to give up entirely and end the pain. She has given and taken away over and over and over and over again - all to see…… if I really want to have what ive asked for & to help those I can.
At least when I’m stripped bare, screaming to the moon ‘why’ - I know that tomorrow I can rise again, run along her warm shores, glide along her smooth waves, lye under the gold in the sky and know, that I asked for all of this. And I love every moment for exactly what it is and where it is leading!
Thankyou, more please Mama Bali!
A reflection of all the light and playful sides of myself that I so easily forget are there
Dancing under the moonlight of common dreams
Rising each day with ambition to be the change in this world we so wish to see
For truth and a future full of sunshine
Our time together as wonderful as that apart
When tensions arise I catch your eye and we will laugh
Knowing it's only within me (or you) that any conflict has arisen.
My trigger or yours, we take our time to rendezvous with the discomfort of our own healing and growth.
As above, so below. As within, so without
There is not a day I feel any doubt
A peaceful, gentle, playful life
A magical place of ocean mornings and musical midnights.
Warm light glows as I hold your arm
These moments are ours, in this place so simple & calm
Warm lips press against mine in the dark
A touch ill never forget
Electricity moves through to the very depths of my soul
And I am alive
All of this is divinely mine with or without you by my side
Your presence simply adds that extra thing to everything I do
Ignites the spark behind my eyes
An excitement from deep within that awakens parts of me i never knew were there
When I look at you with wild eyes that could devour you whole
You willingly invite me into your power, you encourage all that is beautiful and sensual to emerge from places I’ve hidden, inspiring me to take control.
Sometimes, I will need to go on my own, to explore the intricate pathways of my unique journey
But so will you and I will not shed tears for time apart.
It is a beautiful gift that only makes us stronger.
There is time and so much of the dream world to mould into reality
Using imagination to create possibility, for a life that overflows with the
glittering waters of the ocean that we sit beside each morning with our cups of coffee.
And when my voice trembles, trying to describe how I feel
For all that we have willed into sweet existence
You look into my eyes and I no longer need to say a word
Because you know. You are ME, I am YOU,
And we are the enchanting story that will one day be told
To those feeling lost as we once were, so long ago.
A month ago a dear friend challenged me to commit to meditating everyday. Ive always been so in tune with my intuition and the past two years of my life every time ive trusted my intuition it has lead me to moments and creations of ABSOLUTE MAGIC. So much so that is scares the shit out of me.
I was excited about this challenge as I knew I still had blocks remaining between my current energies and the energy of the life I want to create and attract. What I wasn’t prepared for was the dis-ease and the anger and the fear that would arise every morning in my seated stillness. I was expecting to find the peace and clarity that I have found previously when ive committed to this practise but instead I found the blocks I was asking to remove - and it hasn’t been pleasant.
When you get that in tune with this level of awareness it can almost be too much. Especially when suddenly my physical manifestations challenge everything I feel to be the truth. I hate doubting the very knowledge that seems to come so naturally and deep from within me. Perhaps even that awareness is the block. The awareness that, although most people would call me a fool for trusting something that cant be seen, felt, heard, tasted or touched, I hold my trust in it because only I know what my truth is.
I dont think that feeling more is something to afraid of but we are afraid, we are all afraid of being hurt and disappointed and we sabotage ourselves in the day to day. We avoid peeling back all the bullshit in our own minds - the thoughts in our head that aren’t all the truth because its the human condition to feel like we aren’t good enough just as we are.But we are always and IN ALL WAYS everything just as we are.
Anything extra that comes along is just like a wonderful extra thing for us to enjoy on top of our full inner abundance
I dont know what else I want to even write about this. It is you, it always is. And when you can understand that and embrace that it releases the resistance for everything else to flow and fall into place.
Some Facts First: