or 
​Of the many parts of Bali I’ve explored (and loved) I never thought I would end up basing myself in Canggu.

Years ago I acknowledged that the party scene wasn’t for me and that’s all I saw in this busy beachy town. The drinking, drugs, using substance and loud noise and sexual validation to distract from the gorgeousness of self evolvement - it wasn’t my jam any longer. So I lived for a while in the floaty, hyper conscious world of the deeply spiritual community, for a time. Turned out this didn’t fit me either.

Ill never forget running away to Canggu for a day with my two soul brothers. Throwing ourselves into the ocean  and paddling into waves in giddy excitement, feeling like id come home again. I knew no one who lived here and I knew id be starting over once again but I was pretty darn good at that by now.
I found myself a little sanctuary outside of town where I could work and be in the quiet while still close to everything. Here, I got to work building my online business. I played around with some of the social circles of expats only to still feel like I wasn’t quite aligned with fancy gatherings, talk of investments and crypto currencies. I started missing the post surf shit talk with the boys from home, the simple life vibes that would be such a perfect balance for all the ‘not so simple’ work I was doing in my working hours.

So I sent out my request to the ether, the universe, whatever you wanna call it …. That week i wanted to end my life more than ever before.... and then, as the new year began, I was beautifully aligned with two soulmates. I spent a blissful couple of weeks dancing on waves, scooting around and taking bestie naps with my girl - who awakened a playfulness in me that I had all but forgotten…. And just as she had to leave I was aligned with the boy. But more than that, I was inducted into a community and a home. Two Homestays, side by side, that turned out to have a constantly rotating and revisiting cast of characters. And somehow in this little hub of (at the time) party madness, people from all parts of the world and all walks of life, age and character were living together and thriving.

I was drawn back into the party world here, then. And to be honest, I really needed it. I realised I had been working EVERYDAY for years on either other peoples businesses or my own. Here I saw a beautiful opportunity to exercise my newly rediscovered playfulness and just enjoy the NOW. It was a wild and fast six weeks of play. But despite some, perhaps, destructive behaviour, I started experiencing wishes being fulfilled the more I let go and enjoyed each moment for what it was. I still didn’t drink too much as I was simply thriving off this energy of community and friendship. Some of those simple moments, lying in a hammock or popping up on waves next to the boys were, to date, some of the happiest memories of my life so far.

But duty called. I needed to return to Australia and NZ to wrap up a life I had not planned to leave behind for island life. But I knew I would be back on warm shores soon enough.

Time moves people on, it always will and I knew when I got back some of the faces would be the same but it would be forever changed. What I didn’t expect however is that this little community spot could become even more aligned with everything I would love to have as a home base.
The party still exists and many of the characters are the same and yet we are evolving together. Most days I can wander in and find myself in a beautifully intellectual or creative conversation with someone old or someone new. The daily chase of the next big high has become the daily chase for good waves and good food together. I spend my mornings working and my afternoons playing music and laughing by the pool. Talking about music and books, podcasts and life. Catching sunsets with coconuts over sunrises with hangovers .... with people whom, without which, I would not have been sitting here writing this story (Im soooo fucking grateful for you all).
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The whole ‘your vibe attracts your tribe’ quote seems so cheesy and yet appropriate. But its more than that. It is each persons vibe that EVOLVES a tribe. Each persons desire to find play in more than just the party. Each persons story and smile that make each day worth getting up for in the morning. Conversations that dont just spark new ideas but ignite them into roaring flames of excitement and motivation. The party will always be there to indulge and enjoy when desired but for me, to experience a collective of people banding together to create a community of beautiful balance of all these things, was something I could never have expected to come out of all this.
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Im sure we will all have to come and go at times. Im sure life will move me to quieter spots eventually (Im watching you Bingin real estate) and many of the faces and energies may change but I’m so grateful to be part of the evolution of this place, with all the people past present and future who will come along.

But for now you’ll probably find me smiling softly, salty from the surf, surrounded by soulmates eating some damn fiiiinnnne Indian/Mexican fusion ;)

If you have ever been to Bali you would have left different than before. Theres no doubt about it. Even if you came here, drank waaaaay to many bintings, had a scooter accident and didn’t venture towards anything spiritual - I guarantee you were still changed by Mama Bali.

My friends and I have had this running joke for a long time now. Bali is not a place. Its an energy. Its a calling home to yourself. You CANNOT come here and not be challenged to reveal yourself in some way, shape or form.

Each journey to this sweet smelling, warm air’d island has created new awareness within me and almost violently stripped away layers of this being that ive created over the years. Bali taught me how important yoga would be in my life and that of many in the years to come. She taught me that i could be the confident salty beach babe id always wanted to be and attract some very good looking men along the way (even if they didn’t stick around long haha). She showed me how people could be kind beyond measure even if they couldn’t utter a world of the same language as you. Each time I would visit I would instantly feel at home, my body would relax. Something about the combination of filtered water, fresh food, warm skin and cheap price tags was as good as a two hour long hug to all my limiting belief systems of the past. I felt instantly healthy (even though I was always sick anywhere else) playful and calm. Even amongst the chaos off the traffic & techno. And due to work visa restrictions she also awoke an awareness and desire within me to find a way to work remotely so that I could exist here more than not.
Each time Bali has stripped me of the things that would not serve the vision I was creating. Its be soooo uncomfortable and yet, exactly what had to happen to lead me to today.

So when I finally aligned the knowledge of using nature to heal my years of chronic illness and my yoga and life experience knowledge as a tool to coach women online and work remotely…… I knew it was time.

I knew I still had layers to remove. All of us have layers of heavy traumas and beliefs that are built up over our lifetime - covering the person who first entered this world with a message.  I knew I needed to remove these blockages that were not serving me in order to serve others.
I think I was, at first ,under some romanticised idea that Mama Bali would go easy on me from that point on………..

Its safe to say this past year has been the hardest …. But also the most rewarding and beautiful year of my life.

Money and worthiness. Love and heartbreak. Finding belief in myself when all else is showing me, telling me, almost convincing me I shouldn’t.
She has secluded me, had me eating rice and veggies for weeks just to get by. Had me drunk in the midst of the party. Had me held in the arms of one I would never have otherwise found or could never have dreamed up (or could I?). She has lead me to the beautiful people who surround me, who cheer me on - when sometimes all I wanted was to give up entirely and end the pain. She has given and taken away over and over and over and over again - all to see…… if I really want to have what ive asked for & to help those I can.
At least when I’m stripped bare, screaming to the moon ‘why’ - I know that tomorrow  I can rise again, run along her warm shores, glide along her smooth waves, lye under the gold in the sky and know, that I asked for all of this. And I love every moment for exactly what it is and where it is leading!

Thankyou, more please Mama Bali!

A reflection of all the light and playful sides of myself that I so easily forget are there
Dancing under the moonlight of common dreams
Rising each day with ambition to be the change in this world we so wish to see
For truth and a future full of sunshine

Our time together as wonderful as that apart
When tensions arise I catch your eye and we will laugh
Knowing it's only within me (or you) that any conflict has arisen.
My trigger or yours, we take our time to rendezvous with the discomfort of our own healing and growth.
As above, so below. As within, so without
There is not a day I feel any doubt
A peaceful, gentle, playful life
A magical place of ocean mornings and musical midnights.

Warm light glows as I hold your arm
These moments are ours, in this place so simple & calm
Warm lips press against mine in the dark
A touch ill never forget
Electricity moves through to the very depths of my soul
And I am alive

All of this is divinely mine with or without you by my side
Your presence simply adds that extra thing to everything I do
Ignites the spark behind my eyes
An excitement from deep within that awakens parts of me i never knew were there 
When I look at you with wild eyes that could devour you whole
You willingly invite me into your power, you encourage all that is beautiful and sensual to emerge from places I’ve hidden, inspiring me to take control.

Sometimes, I will need to go on my own, to explore the intricate pathways of my unique journey
But so will you and I will not shed tears for time apart.
It is a beautiful gift that only makes us stronger.
There is time and so much of the dream world to mould into reality
Using imagination to create possibility, for a life that overflows with the
glittering waters of the ocean that we sit beside each morning with our cups of coffee.

And when my voice trembles, trying to describe how I feel
For all that we have willed into sweet existence
You look into my eyes and I no longer need to say a word
Because you know. You are ME, I am YOU,
And we are the enchanting story that will one day be told
To those feeling lost as we once were, so long ago.

A month ago a dear friend challenged me to commit to meditating everyday. Ive always been so in tune with my intuition and the past two years of my life every time ive trusted my intuition it has lead me to moments and creations of ABSOLUTE MAGIC. So much so that is scares the shit out of me.

I was excited about this challenge as I knew I still had blocks remaining between my current energies and the energy of the life I want to create and attract. What I wasn’t prepared for was the dis-ease and the anger and the fear that would arise every morning in my seated stillness. I was expecting to find the peace and clarity that I have found previously when ive committed to this practise but instead I found the blocks I was asking to remove - and it hasn’t been pleasant.

When you get that in tune with this level of awareness it can almost be too much. Especially when suddenly my physical manifestations challenge everything I feel to be the truth. I hate doubting the very knowledge that seems to come so naturally and deep from within me. Perhaps even that awareness is the block. The awareness that, although most people would call me a fool for trusting something that cant be seen, felt, heard, tasted or touched, I hold my trust in it because only I know what my truth is.

I dont think that feeling more is something to afraid of but we are afraid, we are all afraid of being hurt and disappointed and we sabotage ourselves in the day to day. We avoid peeling back all the bullshit in our own minds - the thoughts in our head that aren’t all the truth because its the human condition to feel like we aren’t good enough just as we are.But we are always and IN ALL WAYS everything just as we are.

Anything extra that comes along is just like a wonderful extra thing for us to enjoy on top of our full inner abundance

I dont know what else I want to even write about this. It is you, it always is. And when you can understand that and embrace that it releases the resistance for everything else to flow and fall into place.

Kat xx

This is my fear
Opened in front of you all
Ready to be ridiculed and reduced till there is nothing left to give
At least thats the expectation I build up in my mind
For past experience showed me that so many become disconnected and unkind
Still I open my eyes and my heart everyday
And everyday I am able to see so much beauty in my way
And those wonderful ones who see it too.
The willingness and vulnerability of being present in the very deliciousness of this moment, hold more magic that I could possibly describe.
For everything eventually comes to an end, but for now, we are here and it’s so extraordinary.
I do fear the unknown. The knowing that things will end. The knowing ill have to go back to a place im afraid to be.
To face off with whatever awaits me there that is part of my story, my journey, my healing, my growth.
The only way, is to do it alone... and yet im not alone.

Ive met so many parts of my soul along the way and the more I leap into each day with my heart shining though my eyes
Like an untouched, un hurt child
The more I find you, find them and in turn find more of myself.

Even if not physically connected, as we move on our own paths to our own destinies,
I hold those moments in time. Those pieces of my heart with me always.
They are the strength I come back to, the love that drives me forward.
The reminder that there is a world possible that I previously only dreamed of.

Perhaps everything that is happening is simply preparing us for all that we have asked for.
That road can look ragged and unpleasant and somedays may feel unfair and nonsensical.

Yes what ive asked for, what we have all asked for. Joy, connection, abundance and experience.
And to get there, to see it, to attract it we must first become it.
Must peel back the many layers of life that have left us scarred, fearful, feeling unworthy and betrayed.
But whatever force brought us here in the first place, I dont believe we were given lives that we aren’t strong enough to live.

And perhaps In the adventure of finding out why we chose to come back here
We might find everything that we desire and be able to hold out a hand to help another.
Hold each other once more like we once did.
Be surprised by the movements of time and how they are always leading us to the truth we long for.
Thats buried deep within us waiting to surface to shine and feel free of pain once more.

 

​Im so scared that Im wrong about everything
I so scared that everything I am is not meant for a place like this.
Im afraid that the world is destined for disconnection
And not the connectedness i know to be bliss.

When did it become cool to pretend we dont care
I dont know why we shy away from the moment thats there
Why do we shut down because of past fears or doubts
Will there ever be a time that ive dreamed so much about

We live in a world where we want magic solutions to problems
But refuse to believe in the magic that solves them
And we shut people out, label, laugh & close doors
On those who want things to be better for their life and yours
Or better yet we vanish, we turn into ghosts
Disappear back into that less complicated, numb world

We ignore all the problems that we ourselves have the power to solve
I guess we do live in the moment when we dont care what the future holds

Im afraid, so afraid that this is as good as it gets
That so many wont step up and dare to take more risks
To step though the veil of the scary unknown to perhaps find that all they wanted
Was there over there all along

For if our world is destined to become so closed off -  just co-dependance, arrogance and ignoring the signs 
I dont know if I want to be around then to see
Sometimes I just wish I could set myself free.
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I wrote this last night in a panic attack. Ive had a fair few of these in my life. It first started when I was 5 and my parents were dropping me off at a new school. I would scream and cling to mum and all I really remember is that I couldn’t breathe and my chest felt tight and I was terrified.

The next time I had one that I recall wouldn’t be until high school when my first love told me it was over between us.

Then there were many years of distraction, and numbing behaviour, in the rat race of the world when in my mid 20s I was awakened suddenly. That was when the madness really began. I wouldn’t however have a similar experience until my 30th birthday and then for a few months after. So i guess you would say ive 'suffered' from anxiety my whole life. Id prefer to say ive experienced anxiety - with a touch or two of depression (haha) 
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This most recent one got me really curious - was I continuing this trend as a sort of human experiment?  My mind has been so light of late and yet here i am again? Could the cause of my anxiety be isolation, rejection, loneliness and disconnection. Only a week ago I was flying high, running around Bali with a good friend, meeting amazing people, living in the moment and allowing myself to be truely myself.
Now I sit alone, wondering what its all about. Love and acceptance, being truely seen and feeling connected to the world gives us humans a high that I dont think I could do justice in words. Yet we cant seem to hold on to it for long, cant seem to trust that it might come again or worse, we might have one bad experience of loss, rejection or disconnect that we close off to opening ourselves to it ever again.

No wonder people end their lives. This shit dont feel good at all. Yet for some reason i never allowed myself to close off. 

Considering I decided I didn’t come here to end my life a while back, I cant help but turn into an investigator when these moments repeat or arise in my life. I wanna understand the source, the reason, the trigger or the chemistry so that I can at least have the satisfaction of understanding it or find a form of empowerment or solution.

We are living in a world where its more likely for us to avoid real connection, to act like we dont care or even disappear without word from the lives of our friends and lovers, to avoid going any deeper than a surface level conversation. At all costs we must avoid being hurt like the last time!! or perhaps worse - being the one who has to do the hurting.
They are finding however that the solution to things like depression, addiction, criminal behaviour and more - is CONNECTION. For people to have real surface breaking connections with other human beings, to feel love and support and community. We are living in a time where we have so much more than we could ever need, the possibilities are all ones that were once said to be impossible and yet we are more depressed than anytime in our history. And in times where we are consuming so much information that it can feel like our minds are going a thousand miles a minute - that real human connection (at least in my experience) can feel like such a beautiful break. 

So in light of this, as i sit here in the dried sweat and tears of that latest breakdown/breakthrough - lets make a commitment to connect more? To really connect. To drop the BS stories of why we keep our walls up and DARE TO SHOW WE CARE. To care without motive or return requirements. To break down the barriers in each others minds about how the world is or can be. To help each other believe that we can have beautiful friendships and relationships and work environments.

Ive seen it happen but we cannot sustain it alone.

So what a lot of people don’t know about me from the last 8-10 years is all of the health stuff I experienced that lead me to what I now do today.

Unlike what seems to be on trend now, I didn’t record, photograph or document all of my lowest moments. I was in them alone and documenting that pain was the last thing on my mind.
So to recap….. I havent been able to properly digest bread or dairy since having to have a months worth of antibiotics in 2011 for my wisdom tooth removal. Back then we didnt have names for this but now its called IBS and leaky gut syndrome. I had ongoing issues with bladder infections, kidney function and thrush infections ensued. I then developed a benign tumor on my vocal chords which demonised once I cut dairy and most alcohol out of my system but i had to quit pursing singing as a career. I started having major abdomen and back pain in 2014 that no doctors could tell me why. I got glandular fever which became chronic fatigue as I couldn’t afford / had no time to be off work to recover. I then started getting chronic tension nerve spasms in my hips, back, shoulders and neck into my face. And unless I was basically removing myself from the world as we know it, only eating fresh produce and drinking only water and exercising minimum an hour every day …. I would feel some if not all of these things. And I was only in my mid 20’s.

Add in some depression and anxiety that comes with living alone in a country away from family, being single when you have always dreamed of having someone to do life with and making minimum wage for working your butt off to simply pay the bills.

Gaaahhhhhh ew that was a fun paragraph to write. It amazes me that I wallowed in that mess for so long and that I blindly allowed myself to be given the run around by so many professionals and not take more action myself. But when you’re young you wanna be able to have fun, to go out and do stupid stuff and her silly with your friends. It wasnt until mid 2018 that I was in a doctors office after being locked in a back spasm for weeks and having to fill out a symptoms checklist that this doctor said to me “you know its not normal to feel these kind of symptoms in your 20s let alone for most of your 20s”
To say my mind was blown would be a bit of an understatement.
I knew there weren’t other people around me who would get so debilitated all the time like me but I just assumed this was pretty normal (or it was my fault) as no one had ever invested enough to take the responsibility to tell me I shouldn’t be feeling like this.  Most previous doctors had spent about 30 seconds on history and never asked about symptoms except the ones in the moment.

At this point in 2018 I was seeing 3 different doctors who were telling me different things and wanting to do different tests. Because of the ongoing pain i had experienced in my abdomen most months since first attempting to come off the pill in 2014, they wanted to start testing me for PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome) and Endometriosis. One prescribed me heavy pain meds and muscle relaxants for my back that did nothing to help and tore my stomach apart. And one was the aforementioned doctor who gave me some incredible advise for both my mind and my body to start looking into preventative gut health. I really didn't want to find out that i had a major problem. At this stage i didn't want a label from someone who wouldn't know how to fix me, i didn't want something to place focus on, to know what was 'wrong' with me. I wanted to clear that space in my mind to DECIDE for myself! 
Little did this doctor know I had already been in touch with a few people who were already in the business im now in. Id been looking into these natural products that were apparently helping not just people like me but anyone to feel like a super human (like our bodies should when they are naturally thriving and supported). I was then introduced to my now dear friend and mentor who gave me some of hers for free and told me to call her in a few days.
I called her the next afternoon like a drug addict and said “I’m all in”.
(I hadn’t gone to the bathroom for a week until that day so I was pretty sold tbh hahahahaha)
Since that moment I’ve been on the most incredible rollercoaster of my life so far. From that moment I decided (like an insane person) to not go back to the doctors. I decided to stop taking the contraceptive pill that id been wanting to stop (and had tried to stop) for many years.
        **thats another story but previously when I had tried to stop this pill id had nightmare symptoms I don’t even wanna go back to.   
I was also about to embark on a two month trip to India with very little money in the bank after paying all the doctors in previous weeks.
So needless to say I had all but given up. I figured if it was my time to go it was my time to go and I wasn’t gonna put my trip to India on hold (like the docs wanted me to)
I was turning myself into a human experiment to see that if I made THE DECISION to heal, THE DECISION to turn this thing around for me and THE DECISION to share the journey in order to help others……… then I would either die doing that….. or I would prove my theory correct.

Well look its been 6 months. Ive been to 5 countries. Ive pushed boundaries with my consumption. Ive run one retreat and assisted on another. Ive moved to Bali. Ive enjoyed having alcohol again. Ive finally learnt to surf. Ive learnt to ride a scooter. Ive met so many amazing people and connected with thousands more online! Ive got an amazing client base and even brighter team of people that I get to coach everyday through the process of creating their dream lives.

And I haven’t gotten sick.

I had no desire to visit the southern states of India. It was a decision made between my friend and I at the beginning of the journey, before nothing went to plan and everything was challenged and changed.
I was happy in Rishikesh and thought quite seriously of leaving my flight south and staying on to the completion of my time.

It was only in one of the many quiet moments that I knew there was something for me in the saltier part of this vast country and im nothing if not an adventurer of the wildly unknown.

From the moment I walked into the little homestay turned hostel in Anjuna, I was greeted by an Indian, a Mexican and a Guatemalan… almost sounds like the start of a joke right.
And yet for me this was a sign of comfort, two of my favourite places from my past represented alongside the present.
I was greeted with “welcome home” and I really felt like I was.

After sleeping off the travel blues and finding my bearings in this little seaside town which (in peak season would have been bubbling with life) was almost all closed down and quiet due to the time of year.
For a good day or so I felt as if I may have made a mistake. Here I was, out of my element again, dumped by boyfriend and oldest friend and it would have been sooooo easy to fall right back into victimhood.

Then, the sun came out, the salt touched my skin and something in the energy changed.

Julio (Guatemala) ran an establishment based around exchange. Money was rarely mentioned and there was an expectation of community interaction and give back on a daily basis. For me, ready to turn full introvert/sorry for myself mode, it took some time to sit with how this cold work with me (miss independent)

Throughout that day new people were arriving, some walked into the space and changed their mind when confronted with Julios odd relaxed version on a check in and non rules speal.

But some people stayed, and we all soon realised that it was by no mistake.

I was captivated by these characters, their unique looks, accents, skin marred with ink and sweat and eyes that sparkled of stories to be told and heard.
There was also a gentle weariness in us all it seemed. As I sang in the hammock chair that evening swapping stories with my darling Luca, Das, Julio and Nikita, I felt a slight excitement and sadness at the thought of being here still when theres people were to move on.

We all had variable plans. I didn’t know if I could stay in this one place, feeling still quite disturbed and unstable after the massive shifts while on this journey. Most of the others planned to only stay a couple of days, having itinerary and plans to move onto.
On night three we all went to dinner to commemorate the last night for some…. And while at dinner we all decided….. to stay. To stay for the same period of time and leave to our next destinations after some much needed stillness by the sea.

Over the days that followed I experienced something I hadnt in a long time. The feeling that comes only from the completely energetic coming together of aligned human beings. Law of attraction in all her glory,
I spend days making fruit salads and helping cook and clean around the ‘home’
We were all whisked away for excursions and long midnight dinners by our amazing local friends Pio, Alecia and Das. We shared stories of adventure and pain and heartbreak. Tears were both shed and supported and slowly, joy started to creep in.
We were invited to so many lunches throughout the week of Ganesh festival (ironically - remover of obstacles) Were we ate local feasts off leaf plates on the floor with bright eyed kids running around laughing and delighted adults happy to simply offer their gifts to a few foreigners.

Our little family was not only felt by all but acknowledged openly and it was difficult to accept that we would only be aligned for this brief moment in time. And the day did come for goodbyes. But for anyone who has travelled and experienced the beauty of alignment. You understand that we don’t need things like online connections and planning to get what we need from each other. We simply need to follow our nose, to experience new places and people and understand that we are always meeting people who are sent to teach us, to allow us to all hold space for one another in our process and to believe in the power of venerability again.
I will never forget my little Anjuna Family, with an invitation turn not only return but to find each other again in the world as soon as possible!

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*** Special mention to my dear friend Das. You are one of the most wonderful, giving and joyful humans I have ever come across and (despite you’re scary conditioning for the consuming of animals) you are so worthy of love and belonging and I do hope you find the way to break free of the shackles that hold you back from believing in this for yourself.