At a certain point, she had spent so much time alone that many people had cautioned not to get ‘too good’ at being alone. So much so that she even started adding that to her victim story. ‘Oh god ive become so good at being on my own that im now too independent, self sufficient, too much for anyone else to see themselves with’.
This morning she rose early. The gold of the morning light was barely visible as she rode her bike down the coast. Music playing in her ears, shuffling songs of the past seeping their sounds into her present moment. Her face suddenly warm and wet with tears she blinked them away, over and over, in order to still see the road in front of her.
Arriving to a familiar place. The sound of the crashing waves, smell of incense and the ragged stairs to her safe space on the edge of the peninsular. Exhausted. When was the last time she stopped?
Theres been moments in many of the days where she’s almost lost that constant battle with the mind and just given up. This was one of those moments. “I could just sleep, just turn everything off, cancel all my calls and abandon ship for a while”.
But if she does that, what was the point in going through all that pain?
So she dragged herself to her little cafe, set up her computer and got to work. Eyes puffing and blinking through the tiredness. But with each task that was completed she felt her energy rising. Getting to spend her ‘work day’ connecting with other people and talking about magic and possibility, she realised hours later that she no longer felt tired.
A thought occurred to her to connect with a particular friend who turned out to be staying just around the corner. “Lets go to this place I know tonight for a sauna and ice bath session” she said. And so it was.
From tired and tearful to sitting in a sauna with a dear old friend, plunging into ice coldness and feeling her body come alive again. To sharing a meal with a group of new people, talking of success and dreams and the best things that happened that day. How quickly the universe can move once you decide to move for it, she thought.
Discomfort is part of the journey. Without it, how could we possibly appreciate comfort and happiness when it arrives?
And as she drove back to the house, music surrounding her once more, she was smiling softly and so blissfully calm. As she collected her (delicious vegan mint choc chip) ice cream and wandered barefoot down the paths to her cliff top room, she decided that being ‘too good’ at being alone, was totally ok with her. More than ok.
We come into this world to know who we are. To love them and to live out our life with ourselves. Others will come and dance with us on that journey. For a month, a year, ten years or more but in all those moments in-between, how could she not want to be soooooo good at being with herself?
Content and calm she closed her eyes to the sound of waves, eager to wake to another day of this life, with the love of her life - herself.