Ive noticed how much can happen in a decade and how much im capable of in just a year alone let alone 10! Going from a life with not very much to report to having to cut whole paragraphs from this blog post to not overwhelm you. So so much has happened both good and shit!. Soo much has been, and there is sooooo much to come. Im seriously intrigued! So here we go..........
Living in NZ with a good job, good friends and a partner who was depressed and drug addicted and not much of a partner tbh.
Moved to Australia for the second attempt. Got a great job but not many good friends as I was still involved in a life driven by my partner - of chasing drugs for happiness.
Started getting itchy feet to travel, had wanted to for so many years but my partner kept convincing me to wait until he had saved enough to come with me (never happened)
Ended up having to support my partner emotionally AND financially. Finally had my awakening and tried to leave that relationship which didn’t go easy. Got demoted at work due to how messy it became and was living off peanut butter toast and alcohol for a while (not so healthy babe)
Got back on my feet at work. Saved up and went to Europe for two months. First started experiencing signed of chronic health conditions. Started going out on my own to local bars and jam nights and making friends with local muso’s. Moved into a flat with some absolute gems & met some incredible women who became amazing friends.
Started singing publicly again for the first time since school. Got my own apartment. Started working as a music agent on the side. Got diagnosed with a benign tumour on my vocal cord and advised not to sing too much. Started doing yoga more and gave up excessive drinking and dairy. Shrunk the tumour in 4 months and decided to become a yoga teacher.
Got a new apartment ON THE BEACH!!! Saved and did my yoga training in Bali! Woke the F up in Bali and made some new friends to this day. Experienced some friendships become not so good anymore. Got headhunted and hired by the biggest company in the world. Got glandular fever, broke my toe & got hospitalised with kidney failure all in my first month.
***side note: zero relationships, since the only men I interacted with were ones I pursued or who would pick me up for one reason while drunk at the bar.
Was struggling hard with chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and IBS but no doctor was telling me this or offering much help or advise. Did some nude modelling (which became an art show and calendar) Met a really good human who taught me that I was far more special, talented and important than I realised. Danced my ass off sober at a lot of sunday sessions. Ran yoga classes at my home. Decided to leave Australia to pursue yoga and adventure on the other side of the world. Tried to live as healthy as possible while only earning peanuts.
Traveled to Bali again. Packed up and left Australia for Central America. The trip didn’t quite go as planned, I had some rather traumatic experiences (as well as some incredible ones too mind you) and I had to face off with some pretty dark and scary parts of myself. Lived in Nicaragua and Mexico teaching yoga but partying all the time (because thats what you do right??). Physically I was getting sicker and sicker so after 8 months I flew to Bali, then NZ, then felt called back to Australia to try to start over. Expressed my heart and got rejected.
Spent 6 months living with a good friend in what Ive since dubbed ‘soul bootcamp’. Diving into spirituality, sobriety, celibacy and energy work. Expressed my heart and got rejected by another. Got another beachside apartment and lived by myself for 6 months. Went to Bali again. Turned 30. Had my first thoughts of suicide. Decided to take a step back from my community to see what stayed or chased (nothing did). Started digging deep into self development and really relishing my time alone. Ran my own yoga classes.
Released a range of branded apparel that didn’t sell. Started a YouTube channel of all I was learning about human behaviour - that seemed to cause alot of people to stop talking to me. Got promoted at work but then more mistreated for it, it seemed. Was doing free coaching for a few dear friends and supporting many others through my Instagram page. Became sicker and more run down than ever. Started taking some weird fruit and vege pills which seemed to help. Got asked to be a coach within the very program that was finally helping me with all my health issues. Went to India for 2 months. Quit my job and moved to Bali to run my first retreat, spend time healing and throw myself into this new work online. Noticed ALOT of people (and close friends) unfriend, unfollow or block me.
*side note: still no relationship and no one asking me/ taking me on a date. Lots of people telling me all the things i was probably doing wrong though.... cool.
Was pretty broken down by all the backlash and change since following my intuition and my heart. Met some fun people and almost threw it all away to play it small. Decided to go all in with my business. Got my heart broken (then ripped out and stomped on a fair few times) all at the same time I was finally starting to make an impact with my business.
Used my only savings to book a retreat. Spent my days building incredible friendships online, learning to surf!! writing my book and...... trying not to give into the darkness of wanting to kill myself when I was alone with my mind and memories at night.
Ive helped over 30 people improve their healthstyles. Over 25 people make some extra money on the side of their everyday for helping others. Ive helped and inspired countless others through my posting, writing, videos and dancing!
Made some pretty incredible mates. Met sooooo many of my Instagram besties!! Finally met my business mentors when I flew to our biz conference in Australia on a last minute whim. Reconnected and found a beautiful friendship with a dear old friend who challenged me (first person to do so in a while) to step the F into my role and OWN WHO I AM and what im here to do. Ran a sold out retreat!!! (at a financial loss of about $3000 - still a win I think). Got diagnosed with a massive tumour in my uterus and was told to cancel all my travel plans and island life and return home to NZ to seek treatment - which sadly my insurance dont want to cover BUT meant i could spend Christmas with my parents for the first time in over a decade.......and here we are.
Ive felt bruised, battered and totally broken by the last 10 years. And yet I’ve also felt so many moments of immense joy and gratitude for everything that has happened. So grateful that I created a business that allows me to work anywhere. So grateful that I stuck to my guns and was true to my values and my life is constantly being guided to more of that which reflects that. So grateful for the people in my life who ARE IN IT, for themselves, for each other and using any joy they create to pay it forward.
A new decade doesn’t mean that everything's gonna be amazing from now on. There is always gonna be ups and downs, ebbs and flows. But that last 10 🤦🏼♀️ was a lot of hard, a lot of pain, a lot of loss and a lot of struggle because I ALLOWED IT TO BE.
Im committing to breaking that cycle moving forwards and helping anyone else who wants to be held accountable to do the same in theirs.
You can’t always get what you want when you want it. But I believe, for all those who strive to be brave & kind and keep going.... the universe is ALWAYS answering with one of three:
1: YES, YOU CAN HAVE THAT
2: NOT YET
3: I HAVE SOMETHING A MILLION TIMES BETTER FOR YOU DARLING
Yes we have been bruised but not broken….. some days i also dont know how i keep going...... and yet, I’m SOMEHOW we keep going right?
Im actually soooooo excited to take things to the next level and allow in a lot more joy and abundance than whats been. Its DONE baby! Own it!