It’s not just our current generations that grew up with love stories, Disney and romantic movies. Yet i hear so many people blaming these things as the reason we are not as connected to each other and respectful to each other as maybe humans use to be.
Ive had people say to me, “real life just isn’t like that and we have to get use to it” and to a certain extent i could agree. Real life isn’t edited and clipped like it is in the movies and we aren’t all rich princes and princesses strolling through the woods singing and playing with the animals (although sometimes i pretend that i am)
However, its as if we have become so afraid of each other to even go for a walk in the woods at all.
I think that the point we missed with all of these movies is that life is suppose to be an adventure, especially when it comes to finding and feeling love.
Maybe that’s the part of the Disney movies we need to start looking at. The prince or princess’ weren’t just working their 9-5’s, coming home at night, having a few drinks and ordering UberEATS......
As much as i believe that woman should be adored, cherished and nurtured, i do believe that all of these love tails of the past do put an unfair expectation on men. In every love story the man has to be the hero. In every hero story it has always been (for thousands and thousands of years) A MAN who is on the journey, who has to save the world, capture the riches AND get the girl!
Only in very recent times have hero stories started to emerge with a woman at the centre.
I heard writer Elizabeth Gilbert make a great point about this recently. Men need to understand that because its always been a man at the centre of every hero story that we have seen, heard or read through our lives, men have had these incredible, strong, role models to look up to and aspire to. Us women, we get the princess or the wife in the story, who is usually just a supporting character (they rarely play the inspirational music when she walks into the scene with dinner ready)
Now i think that this particular revelation does two things. It puts pressure on men to be the hero but it also makes any woman (who steps out to be the hero herself) seen as alien, something to be afraid of. When really, she is bravely stepping out and breaking down centuries worth of barriers, let alone her own personal insecurities!
Now, just because men have always been seen as the hero’s does not mean they always have to be. But it also doesn’t give an excuse for them to turn to the opposite side of the spectrum and only display disrespect and detachment (and don’t even get me started on ‘ghosting’!!)
Just as, just because womens hero stories have rarely been told, should we shy away from those who are brave enough to take control of their own happiness and experience of life.
While I’m on the subject of movies. We believe (and almost expect) that the world is full of all the awful things that we see in the movies. So why is it such an absurd notion that we expect (and act more like) the happy, positive and dare i say, the romantic parts of the movies we watch or the stories we hear and read?
You know why. Because being negative is EASY and just L A Z Y!
We have all become too lazy to make an effort, to even leave our house to get dinner let alone a date!
For instance, coming back to my theme of romance, not only is dating a thing seemingly left in our parents era but even allowing our true feelings too show is now a complete oddity.
How many surface conversations have you had this month, this week, today?
When was the last time you sat with a person and talked about your dreams, your joys and your plans for your life, without the outcome of not hearing from them again.
I made a commitment a long time ago that I wasn’t going to hold back when it came to telling people what I think and how i feel. I dont mean in a negative way either, for if you ever think or feel negativity it is only a reflection of your own triggers and your own work.
I mean, when i notice a connection, that natural flow of human interaction between two people that is untouched by any of the outside world, I TELL THEM!
It seems to scare the crap out of people because in many cases, I just stop hearing from them haha. But it has still made an imprint on their lives that they won’t soon forget.
Learning not to take this personally was a big shift for me. And understanding that some people just can’t, because it is a scary thing when someone comes at you, excited, with no thought or fear of all the other things that could happen down the track.
However, some people seem to stay and play with this for a while. Some people (my dear dear friends and colleagues) jump right on in and are so enthusiastic and energised by this HIGH that is simply real human contact.
If you can imagine that you are a ball of whirling energy, spinning, swirling, vibrating and pulsing and the more you become connected to yourself and what makes you happy, the higher you start to vibrate. Then, when you align with another who is doing the same thing your energy fields start to swirl and merge and charge each other. Together you rise, move and grow. It’s a beautiful image but its also exactly what happens when we make positive contact with each other.
Just like we get a hit of dopamine when we see how many people have liked our instagram photo, we get the same hit (if not more so) if we accept and reciprocate a smilie from a stranger, a hug from a friend or a meaningful conversation.
But since its easier/lazier to lie in bed and scroll through social media or seduce a stranger though an app (without the pressure of having to go any further), these other options are now so unusual that it does scare the crap out of us.
We love to play the blame game in our society. We blame the movies, the corporations, men for being ‘players’, women for being ‘crazy’. We blame our past relationships, our parents.
All of which is just more excuses not to try again.
The real thing at the base of it all is F E A R. You really do have to go inside your deepest pain to accept and forgive. Forgive yourself, your ex, your parents, that guy or girl that slept with you and never called. You have to make the choice not to carry it on your back anymore.
Only from here can you start to move forward. It’s not rocket science and its something that we should support each other with every day, rather than encouraging each other to stay in blame and pain.
Get off the subjects that are keeping you paralysed and commit to subjects of thought or conversation that excite and encourage either yourself or those around you.
Part of what i wish to create is a level of normalcy in our connection and conversations with each other. The amount of progress i have made in not only my personal but also my professional life since making this commitment has been astounding! The thing is, its not easy all the time and that’s when we need each other to inspire and energise. To move each other forward to the better feeling place when we get stuck.
**** So if this post resonates please feel free to get in touch with me. I’m happy to support, connect and answer any questions around any topics that have you stuck somewhere you don’t wanna be ****